Just how prepared is Tayside for the rise of the living dead?
The idea of a “zombie apocalypse” has captured the imaginations of millions through films, TV series, books and computer games for decades.
And, thanks to the judicious use of Freedom of Information legislation, the Tele can reveal the best place to be should the dead rise from the grave.
Doomsdayers may wish to consider moving to Perthshire – which has been preparing for an outbreak for some time.
The council said: “For the past three years we have been hosting a live incident simulation event for a zombie outbreak.
“To avoid causing fear and alarm we present it as part of a range of fun activities in the annual Perth City Halloween Party.
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“Hundreds of people have used this event to test their mettle against the zombies over the past four years, creating a level of preparation for residents and visitors to the city.
“The good news is that all participants in the maze have survived this trial without injury or succumbing to zombie-ism.
“We believe the people of Perth and Kinross are well-prepared to survive if the worst should happen.”
Angus Council were coy but did not rule out the presence of the undead within its boundaries.
“We cannot comment on the existence of zombies outside the Angus Council area,” a spokesman said.
“However, I can advise that the council has not identified the need for planning for a zombie attack. We do not hold any information in this regard.”
Dundee City Council, in the meantime, has spent no time considering the threat posed by zombies.
The local authority says it has no disaster plans for a zombie outbreak, claiming – perhaps foolishly – that such an eventuality is a “fictional event”.
It’s a significant oversight when you consider just last summer dozens of reanimated, flesh-eating corpses strolled through the city centre.
Luckily for council mandarins, it was part of the seventh annual Zombie Walk, where horror fans donned suitably bloody make-up and staggered through town to raise money for charity.
Not all fun and games
WE haven’t lost touch with reality here at the Tele – our requests to the councils actually sought details of their official disaster plans.
Perth and Kinross Council told us it has plans for coping with large flu pandemics, which it says can be scaled up to cope with “outbreaks of disease”.
Angus Council has its own emergency plan, covering everything from how to distribute aid to setting up facilities for shelter.
Dundee City Council sent us its 4,000-word emergency plan, held by more than 30 other agencies, with instructions on what to do in large-scale emergencies.
The three authorities are also members of the wider North of Scotland Regional Resilience Partnership and the Tayside Local Resilience Partnership, which sees local bodies band together to come up with ways of coping with extreme and unexpected circumstances.
Amazon ‘zombie clause’
Coping with zombie invasions is a problem unlikely to escape the realms of fiction in the near future – but councils in Tayside aren’t the only bodies to give the subject some thought.
A freedom of information request sent to the Ministry of Defence in 2012 revealed civil servants would defer any reaction to “an apocalyptic incident (eg zombies)” to the Cabinet Office, which co-ordinates emergency planning by the UK Government.
The software’s terms of service say it is not to be used in “life-critical systems” such as medical or military equipment . . . except for in the event of a zombie outbreak.