For anyone harbouring a grudge against an ex, there are a wealth of ways to express your feelings this Valentine’s Day.
While doing physical harm to a former significant other is generally frowned upon, there’s nothing to stop you giving their name to a hapless insect, for example, and tossing it to a hungry animal before letting nature take its course.
Here are some of the other vengeful things you can do in your ex’s name on February 14.
1. A cockroach
Tell your ex exactly what you think of them by having a cockroach named after them, thanks to the romantics at El Paso Zoo in Texas.
You can then watch live on Facebook as keepers feed your ex’s creepy crawly namesake to a meerkat. Simples.
2. A salmon
If there’s something fishy about your ex, this might be the one for you.
For around £15 you can pay to give a salmon your ex’s name and then watch as it’s tossed to a hungry bear by staff at Oregon’s Wildlife Images Rehabilitation & Education Centre.
3. A worm
At the Richmond Wildlife Centre, it’s worms and beetles being given the treatment.
“For that truly terrible ex, make a $5 donation and name a hornworm after your ex and watch that horned devil be devoured,” the centre wrote in a Facebook post.
“Your worthless ex can finally do something nice – their namesake helping us to feed the animals in our care.”
4. A snake
If you’ve got no real desire to see your ex devoured by some sharp-toothed predator but still want them to know exactly what you think of them, you could take the approach of getting a snake named after them.
That offer comes courtesy of Wild Life Sydney Zoo, and to add a bit spice the reptile in question is a deadly venomous brown snake.
5. A cupcake
If a cupcake seems to lack some of the spite of a cockroach or a snake, make sure you pay attention to the video.
As well as a delicious sweet snack with your ex’s name on it, this Heart Broken gift set from Mr Cupcakes also comes with a gold-plated chocolate hammer with which to exact some sweet, cathartic revenge. Smashing!