That’s all about to change this week as his persistence is finally set to pay off in one of those classic soap mismatches which will end in as predictable a fashion as its beginnings.

I mean, you would think Ian Beale of all people would take Brad to one side and offer a bit of advice on how to avoid the pitfalls of courting a feisty EastEnd lass several miles out of his league.

In days of yore,

Beale did bore,

And Cindy was a wild one.

He bought a rock,

But what a shock,

She went elsewhere to have fun.

The parallels between Bradley-and-Stacey and Ian-and-Cindy are obvious as, not content with merely recycling storylines, the writers have obviously decided to get all environmental on the characters as well.

When was the last time anything happened on EastEnders that was remotely interesting? When was the last time a new character was introduced that wasn’t just the doppelganger of some former resident of Albert Square? When was there last an original storyline to grab viewers’ attention?

It’s surely only a matter of time before Stacey falls pregnant to the man Bradley believes to be his half-brother, absconds to Italy with her and Bradley’s kids and tries to have him killed after embarking on an affair with the brother of the man Bradley believed to be his own half-brother.

Attempts to make EastEnders contemporary (such as the cringe worthy World Cup storylines getting their four-yearly dusting down at the minute) are always clumsy but can I just suggest that, given the number of affairs, abuse, murders etc going on in E20, that one of the families should go on Trisha? I can just see it . . . “He didn’t do nuffink for me Trisha, he was a real berk. He got me up the duff when I was 15, killed my fiance in a car crash, cheated on me wiff some stalker and now he ain’t happy about me lesbian tendencies,” says Sonia before an unrepentant Martin swaggers out before a jeering audience with nothing better to do with their lives.

Thankfully the ill-fated attempts to turn the EastEnd into a gangland showdown between cock-a-knee Kray and Richardson wannabes appears to have been abandoned for the minute. Instead the writers brought in Phil Daniels, another professional cockney in the Barbara Windsor/Shane Ritchie mould, to add authenticity to proceedings. Fair enough, but what does he do? What do any of the characters do for that matter? And besides, you cannot watch Daniels strut around the Square being chirpy and cheeky without thinking, “That’s Jimmy the Mod. He should have just followed the scooter over the cliff and be done with it rather than end up doing this.”

o Gary and Minty — unlucky-in-love laddish double act the writers use to provide “laughs”. Yawn, how many such hapless duos have there been over the years?

o The Millers — Ubiquitous Family From Hell who turn out to be not that bad. Read Jacksons, Slaters et al.

o The Foxes — Newcomers with dark secret/reason to move to the Square to escape something/someone. Oh, the writers just love a newbie with a predictable backstory to unskilfully reveal over the course of a few weeks. A daughter named Squiggle? Eh?

o Patrick and Yolande, Gus and Juley, the aforementioned Gary and Minty — Is there any point in these non-entities other than to provide the filler required because the show broadcasts too many times a week.

I caught EastEnders on Thursday and, in an hour-long special, the following happened; Kevin abused Patrick for having the audacity to fly the Trinidadian flag from his home, went on a date with Denise, got the cold shoulder when she found out her creepy ex was hanging around and confided all this in Pat, who now does nothing but listen to the problems of other people; Ruby helped Charlie do a spot of gardening; Old Mo was courted by Bert; Bradley secretly took photos of Old Mo and Bert; Gary and Minty talked about the World Cup in a cliched manner.

An hour? I could have hacked my leg off with a rusty hacksaw in that time and I bet I would have been in less pain at the end of it.